Dear Santa...

I know, I know. Every year I pester you with promises of vastly improved behavior in exchange for yet-another-too-good-be-true gift (that I really don't need, yet alone deserve). And every demand, errr, "request", is more undeserving, selfish, and flagrant than the last. Insult to injury, I hate Xmas, ain't a Christian, and misbehave no matter what I say or unwrap 25dec.

That said, let me state here and now, before man and beast, "I'm a new person." And I really, REALLY mean it this time. From the bottom of my heart. I do.

"Why this sudden epithany?" you ask. "Has Little Elmer seen the error of his ways and truly reformed? Have my prayers finally been answered? Has the little m'fucker finally matured and grown up?"

Nah. But I found this totally kewl toy I want someone else to buy me. I'm broke cuz this new mortgage is breakin' my back. Come on Nick, help a brotha out: http://www.thinkgeek.com/electronics/audio/a02a/?cpg=67H

Watch the video. Groove to the soundz. Imagine the delight it will bring to me and all those within earshot. The hits, the radio play, going platinum, the adoring fans 'round the world, the freaky groupies waiting backstage, ...

Whadda ya say? Can I, can I? P-L-E-A-S-E...